Sometimes, you don't want things to end so much you didn't even wish it started . It breaks my heart when I feel alone. Its heart breaking when I remind myself of the fact that everything is different and nothing can be like before. Can you tell me whats worth waiting for is still worth waiting for after so long. Can someone tell me, I am still wanted as his last? Can someone tell me, no matter anything that can happen under the sky will not matter ? Are you planning a future that involves me?
I feel very screwed up now. Can someone guide me through this. Can that person be you?
Few of my friends have this illness. Some told me you can never get rid of it. Some told me it is something that cause it to elapse. Some told me to smile away this thoughts. Some told me to just shut this thoughts out. None of them told me HOW to deal with it .. Ouh, and I forgotten to introduce this illness to you. She is Thinking Too Much. Sometimes when I think of relationships, be it family, boy girl or friends. It really caught me up with no words I can describe how lousy I am in these. I only know, the more you wanna make these things right, the worst it will become. I've learnt that. But I haven't master the skill of not getting myself so concern about all these stuffs.
Sometimes, I really wished so badly that you will be there for me like how you promised. But I slowly realized that, it is not gonna be possible. I feel more like you lead your life, I lead mine. Why do I see so much difference ? Told me I was asking for more, but I'm asking why is there a change. Everytime when I think back, I feel that the sweetness has already turned sour.. Afraid that I might leave, hug me so tightly that I can really feel he cherish me and care everything that I mind. But its all different now .. I won't wish that things will change, because I do not want to hold on to any hopes that changes can be made. I jolly well know that nothing can be done. I just want to find a place, to say everything out in my heart because I do not want to bottle them up.
Because I've put in 101% of what I have in this love, its so difficult for me to take it back. It takes courage because I have to be prepared, to fall and hurt again.
(extracted from annasius.onsugar.com)
Now, I feel like someone is screaming inside my head. I can't get it to shut up. People twist stories, how do you tell which is right or wrong? Is it written on their forehead ? It was meant to be a trip for them to bond. But what happened ? Where did it start from ? Who sparked the whole thing ? What is what YOU really want ? And now, my head is bursting with so much questions.. Questions with no answer. But anyway, this is a wrong time to think about this because my UT is just 3days away and I haven't yet complete a module except for SQPE (briefly).
This time, I really don't know how to move on. I do not know where to head to because I don't see any bright paths ahead of me.. In the past, even after so much, I would still be able to tell myself to hang in there, grip tight and all will be over. After which, I will be able to continue to see what my future. But now, I dare not even imagine .. It feels like it has already come to a stop if not, it will be never ending and nothing will get any better. Sometimes, I really admire what I used to hate most. But again, not everything is perfect. What I admire now has things that will be disliked.
i've lost my chains of thoughts
(extracted from annasius.onsugar.com)
Yes, I'm here again. I've never felt coming here to blog a good thing. Because the only time I blog here is when I really feel helpless, when I really feel so stuck and I feel like breaking down. I'd come here to rant everything out hoping it'll make me feel a lil better .. But more often than not, it'll disappoint me. I know ranting here does not solve anything .. But this is the least I can do when I already feel so helpless.
Sometimes, its easier for you to cry out than telling ppl how hurt or angry you are. You just want to let out your emotions because to bottle things up, would make you want to erupt even more badly.
Sometimes, you try so hard to hold on. But you really have the urge to let it go. However, you know your heart wouldn't even if your mind tells you to. THAT is what makes everything miserable. If only my heart would stay strong .. No words can describe how miserable this feeling is. I'd probably read back to this post and think that this is really a lame and emotional post. But ohwel. That is just how i feel now I have NO WAY to stop feeling this way ..
MY MIND IS DEAD ( .... ...... ... ...... ...... ...... .. ..... ......................................................)
"More often than not, I let my emotions take over me." I am just someone who cannot try to hide emotions. When I'm angry, i show my attitude. When I'm happy, I laugh and behave like there's no tomorrow for me to be happy. When I'm sad, I cry like no one's business. It just comes off naturally. I behave like how I feel. Thats how it takes over me. Yes it may be good for when I'm happy and sad. But now, I see something that isn't much right at the correct place. My ANGER. It comes down much to my anger management isn't it ? I learn today that letting my emotions take over me will definitely cost me alot. But the thing is, how am I going to suppress it? I just let it happen, cos its so natural like no one can stop it from coming out, seriously. Am I gonna sit around and wait until it takes something away from me before I can respond? How can I make myself stop reacting to what is happing around me? How should I respond? What can I do to respond.
Next. Can one really erase whats already happened in his/her life (?) NO. If it's there, it's there for good. For what has happen cannot be erase, it can only be forgotten. Things that are forgotten will always be remembered. There are so many things that can remind you of other things. Are we going to hence avoid those things? Logically, we cant and we shouldn't. But mentally, it does affect us, no? Can that be controlled ?
What-so-ever. Am I living in her shadows? Am I just replacing someone else's place? Do I remind him of her? Just how many things remind him about her? Just what are the things that remind him about her? DOES SHE MATTER? idk too.
Last. Is this gonna be just yet another relationship that doesn't bare any fruits and flowers. That will just like any other relationship that comes to an end and no new chapters ever begin. All because of my foolish behavior (...)
People tend to tell me not to think so much .. Tell me, who doesn't think when they have nothing to do. What can I do when I realized that I'm thinking too much?
I just can't convey my messages, my thoughts and my arguments well. Hence, I would use short words to end my messages just like this one here, I GIVE UP! D:
"More often than not, I let my emotions take over me." I am just someone who cannot try to hide emotions. When I'm angry, i show my attitude. When I'm happy, I laugh and behave like there's no tomorrow for me to be happy. When I'm sad, I cry like no one's business. It just comes off naturally. I behave like how I feel. Thats how it takes over me. Yes it may be good for when I'm happy and sad. But now, I see something that isn't much right at the correct place. My ANGER. It comes down much to my anger management isn't it ? I learn today that letting my emotions take over me will definitely cost me alot. But the thing is, how am I going to suppress it? I just let it happen, cos its so natural like no one can stop it from coming out, seriously. Am I gonna sit around and wait until it takes something away from me before I can respond? How can I make myself stop reacting to what is happing around me? How should I respond? What can I do to respond.
Next. Can one really erase whats already happened in his/her life (?) NO. It there, its there for good for what has happen cannot be erase, it can only be forgotten. Things that are forgotten will always be remembered. There are so many things that can remind you of other things. Are we going to hence avoid those things? Logically, we cant and we shouldn't. But mentally, it does affect us, no? Can that be controlled ?
What-so-ever. Am I living in her shadows? Am I just replacing someone else's place? Do I remind him of her? Just how many things remind him about her? Just what are the things that remind him about her? DOES SHE MATTER? idk too.
Last. Is this gonna be just yet another relationship that doesn't bare any fruits and flowers. That will just like any other relationship that comes to an end and no new chapters ever begin. All because of my foolish behavior (...)
People tend to tell me not to think so much .. Tell me, who doesn't think when they have nothing to do. What can I do when I realized that I'm thinking too much?
I just can't convey my messages, my thoughts and my arguments well. Hence, I would use short words to end my messages just like this one here, I GIVE UP! D:
It really feels like everything is going in but none of them are going out .. Like how a balloon is filled with air and yes, until it burst .. I'm just pushing my luck hoping that it doesn't burst or hoping that there'll be a hole in the balloon where the air can escape.. It is so heavy, its like a fcuking big paper weight placed on my chest. I feel so tired trying to find a way out of this but the more i struggle, the more i find it difficult to get out. I'm tired ..
Shall learn the art of ignoring. In short, I should learn not to care/bother so much. The more i bother, the more its gonna happen. But its easier said then done. How can you not care when it is the most important thing to you?? Where it concerns the two most important thing in your life. Maybe not to others, but dearly to me
Sigh. How can I express this out clearly, I really have no idea ..
Music playing on Fujitsu, fan spinning at high speed above my head, sound of machine used to trim grass patches and the howling of wind. Other then these noises are the little noise I hear in my heart. Afraid, Fear, Embarrassed, Misunderstood, Worries .. They're all talking in my heart. Its Christmas Eve today .. There's another 7days to the end of 2009. Another year passed. What have I learnt in this one year? Many things?
Think again (...)
When feelings come and go.
Will you even still believe in your own feelings.
Oh baby
tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today
I’m officially missing you
